Crushed

simple
is
the way
the heart
quickens
a single
step
in my direction
and i lose all composure
sixteen again
and you
so imperfect
it drives me crazy
i am kissing pillows
imagining your face
pasting those
eyes of yours
on the white linnen of my bed
somersaults
and butterflies
cliche
down to the bone
but your dimples
are deep enough for me
to fit
an entire life time of
"maybe....
...if we get married
ever ever after...."
and
i've lost all notion of my feet.
ive flung
head and arms
back
and swim
in the perfect smile
like a sunset
splashed
across your face.
simple
as a racing heart
and i am
a child again
for you
oh boy,
you
you

you.

Ideal Us

Need me
Like you do
Your worst habits
Love me like the tattoo
You’ve never had the balls to get
Curse me like the poem you’ve never been able to end

And in return I promise to
Only lie when its necessary
Leave you hieroglyphic love notes
So that you may remember
How the same frozen limbs could translate
Embraces in midflight
Or flailing arms as we both sink
I promise to not let you forget
How human we are
The taste of wicked porcelain on taste buds
The glass eyed wink of mortality
And how we could easily
Be infinity or oblivion

I will allow you to bruise me
Like fruits do
After too much touch
Ask you
To sing off key
While I stumble along on my guitar

We will never discuss religion
Because I am possessive
About my half religions
And the crucifixes I pack
And drag with me
Wherever it is the wind blows.

You don’t have to learn Spanish
To impress my mother
But I ask you
To love her food
Love her
And indulge my father
As he offers stories
About our motherland.

My sisters are earthquakes
And I simple tornado
So understand
We love being unstable
And prefer
To share our emotions
In fits of rage
Laughter
And fist fights

Sometimes I need to cry myself to sleep
Wrap myself in insecurities
Drag my soul like a blankie behind me

Its ok to be silent then
To avoid me
To stay out late with your friends

Its ok to resent me then
Because
I want you
To love
Like adults do
Or at least pretend to

Cold shoulders
Turned backs
Distant “I love you’s”

I’ll take them then, but know
That I expect to return
Like I will.

Because I will always
Need you like I do
My cigarettes
The stage
My pen

The same way
I know you do.
Boy blue.

Other half
And so much more
Love me
Like only
The madmen
Dare to do.

Completely.

Hester Prynne Me.

there were blood clots
and showers
that lasted over
two hours
just because the bleeding
wouldn’t stop
the feeling of
giving birth
to a single
finger
possibly
a spine
and the tears
those secret beings
the only proof
left.

afterwards
the question
of whether or not
you deserved to know
…your phone calls
stones tossed at my window
your whistling
text messages reading
“are you available tonight”

And the suffocating need
to explain the holocaust
the tiny voices crying
the caving of my organs
a need to swallow you whole
to stuff
the cracks
that allowed life
to escape me
the guilt
worn like a scarlet letter
everything in me so disfigured
I was afraid someone would see it.

tell me do you know what its like
to have to mop the blood
from your miscarriage
4 a.m.
biting down on your bottom lip
so hard to rip into the tissue
but you cannot sob
you don’t want to frighten
your mother
your sister
and besides how to explain
a pregnancy from a man
who wont even admit
our relationship.
tell me, how to do I stuff that into a text message?

so I let you in
wept silently
as you undressed me
swallowing the nausea
as we kissed
the disgust as you entered
the horrible pain of every thrust
your wicked smile
blank eyes
hollow words
I clung to you
nails buried into the front of your shirt
needing to yell

there were blood clots
as big as my thumb
there were puddles
of you
gushing out of me

you moaned
and rolled over
stared at the ceiling
I didn’t say a word.
you stood up
pulled your pants back on
routine.

the next morning
there were bloodstains
of my sheets
the last remains
of our child. I think.

this time, I didn’t cry.
the silence
had claimed me whole.

You and This Starfish

I gave you love
Measured in empty cans
Cigarette filters
And the blackest corners of the night

I, An anonymous starfish
- suction cups
Extended
Waiting for water
For time
For you

And there were never reproaches
Or retold anecdotes about how
I had taken to cutting skin,
How fingertips wept
Missing stubble of chin
How I had Grown
Glass cup ears
I pressed to doors
Waiting to make sense
Out of this
Crumpled paper
Heart of mine

I gave you love
Like the faint rustle of pages
Like silence between exhales
Wedged between the difference
Of dying and living
Love like earthquakes
Exactly one month apart
Like half standing houses
Avalanches and mudslides.
Passive aggressive
Like
The curve of the blade
As it feeds into
The hungriest flesh
I gave you love
Like all of me
Unfolding
Unwinding
An golden thread
Spun like and orange’s peel

And you
Never moved
An inch
From where you stood
You creature of
Empty rooms
Cardboard boxes
And vacancy signs

I understood
Starfish
Have no place
In life like yours
As I pressed
Glass cup ears harder
Unto your chest.
And listened to the heartbeats
Of your Silence.

Perspectives

she whispered something about rain
fallen stars
and half eaten fortune cookies

with a laugh i asked
how any of this
could be negative?

and we danced
as the
sky fell apart