ENDINGS

dear friends and readers,


my blogging has not come to an end
- but instead grown -
and is in search of other (new) galaxies


blogspot and i love each other dearly
clearly its me and not  him ect.


so,
i begin my new relationship
and further space travels
in a new planet in cyberspace named :


www.yesikastarr.wordpress.com


"Yesika Starr - Astronaut Dare Devil"


hope we continue our torrid love affair there.
i love you. friends. readers. little martians of mine.


i will not delete this blog so that it may remain as a reminder of how sweet individual beginnings can be.


xoxo,
Y.S.

Green Mango Kinda Love

your smile

hesitant like

the sunrise

reluctant like skies

forced to break

to the coming light.

a healing bruise

spread magnificently

over the horizon.

I do not call you by name

instead I seek the familiar ache

the slight twinge of muscles

the sore thought of your face

this is our language

it is tongues

who speak

like arriving

earthquakes.

everything is breaking

but you are always

so fucken beautiful

beneath all this light

you

swinging on a mango tree

skin like burnt sugar canes

hands of marañón

jocote seeds for eyes

singing your song

of volcanoes and oceans

of men who sprouted machetes for limbs

of mothers whose spines coil

like wisps of steam

rising from

pots of boiling beans

you smell like

breath inhaled too deep

like tears soaked into

flor de izote petals

what if I told you

I’ve loved you from the womb,

spoke you as my first word,

remembered you

before we even met?

sonrie my mother said

smile because this will be sent back home

stand up straight

so they can see

how proud you are

live

harder

that anyone else

because there is a place

in our memory

that demands that we do

it is dirt roads

and cows

with lovers eyes

it is banana tree leaves,

gently wrapped tamales,

pupusa vendors,

women with no teeth

and stained aprons

who laugh

as if

beauty

was something

the years give you.

it is boys with shoes

so polished you see

the clouds in them,

unbuttoned shirts

because sun

has a way of

peeling off clothes,

rickety pick up trucks,

baskets carried on heads,

naked babies

sucking on

the greenest

mangoes

you have ever seen.

this is how

how I love you

hypnotized

by the swing

of the hammocks

in your breeze,

adobe wall houses,

red clay tiles,

tin roofs

and brown faces

so beautiful

I stop looking

For the moon

And start searching

For another smile.

It is being so poor

an egg is a luxury

but a stranger at your door

means a banquet

means your last bits of coffee

means your best chair

and coolest corner of your corridor

it is my fathers weather beaten face

staring from the windows of every bus

it is his laughter being peeled

from the branches of the highest

mango trees

es todo lo que se

lo soy

lo fui

my fingertips

the lump in my throat

a silence only god knows

and I love you

this heartbeat

El Salvador

a bruise I hope never heals.

Chinaski's Love Jones

Darling cut me – wide and open
I want your fingernails to touch my bones
Strum a chord with my veins,
Kiss the black and wrinkled organs.

Know me,
Like Christ, my mother
and the Creditors
Do
Learn that
The yellow of teeth and eyes
Are the color of the stars I’d
Sling down for you

I do not sleep
Writing a thousand poems
You will not see

About the way your hair looks
In this dirty light
And how cars honking
remind me of when I first held your hand

we were crossing the light
and you squeezed my fingers
so that one was spilling into the other

and I thought
how nice

if only things
were that simple
for us two.

10 Reasons Why You Are Not Allowed In My Bed Anymore

1.

I grew tired of tying my shadow to your heel

before you disappeared through my window.

2.

Orgasms feel so much better

with direct eye contact

3.

I learned that you sacrificed nothing

by putting up with my weight

but I was the martyr for dealing with your

Dorito’s and stale cigarette breath

4.

there are more positions than doggy style

5.

you never read

the love notes

tucked into

my flesh

6.

I am not in the habit of sleeping with men I do not know

and nine years into this carnal complicity

you no longer are the smiling boy I once adored.

7.

if I wanted to feel like

I gave everything I had to someone who

did not know what to do with it

I would go to Church more often.

8.

I am the moon and you forgot to act accordingly

9.

the last time I held you I thought of jelly fish

10.

I love your memory too much to allow you to soil it.

please stop knocking on my window late nights

remember,

I am the moon

I am full.

No thank you

I have had enough.

Saturn

I am afraid

of the way

this poem

unravels,

telling more

than my heart

has dared to

tell my mind

foolish and reckless

this poem

comes running

to finger tips

with no answers

just questions

and too many feelings.

who are you and how did you get here?

do you love as easy as you speak?

what magic is your skin made of?

who do I thank for your smile?

for the laughter like rings ?

for you as beautiful as Saturn?

this poem

knows your gravity

the certainty of orbits

turning me into nothing

into everything

into this cliff diver

astronaut dare devil

and you

Saturn

So beautiful without

me,

just another one of your 52 moons,

watching from a distance

as this poem

unravels

and no one is watching

not even my mind

who still thinks

this poem

is about

everything

else

but falling

for you

and those rings

oh,

Saturn

..your rings

Logic

There was a boy I loved more than any other boy

There was a boy who smiled as if smiles where brand new

There was a boy who cried love when there was no love at all

There was a boy I lost as quickly as I found

There was a boy

There was a boy

There was a boy

There will always be a boy worth loving more than the one before

You. Me. & My Self Hate.

don’t worry
you cannot hurt me

i have willing
to bleed myself
dry for you
before I even met you

and i knew
I would disgust you
so I waited for nightfall
to come naked to you
contorting into any position
you need me to be in
holding breath for fear
of panting you away

I don’t expect to be special
to walk down streets holding hands
to meet family members

anything you want
I am willing to give you
my tongue will never lash
and my eyes will always
look the other way

the tears will wait for you to leave
jealousy tucked beneath nails
all of these feelings will remain feelings
and never words you will forced to hear

I will try not to be fat for you
give you shame as an apology
and when I don’t succeed
accept your infidelity as punishment

i am sorry
if you’ve ever
caught a glimpse
of the amazing in me
I know you have no intentions
of ever meeting it
so I try and keep it
under lock and key

I love you
and although you will never understand it
I will say it any chance I get
and if you ever repeat it
I’ll believe you
even if I know
you’ve only said it
to decorate the silence

there is more pain in solitude
than there is in humiliation

i will take whatever you give me
so long as you give me anything
or at least allow me to create something

there is no ending
to this vortex soul of mine

I can see how easy
the amazing in me can get lost

so lost
even I
have lost
complete sight
of it

baby,
anything you want
I am willing
to give you

but please
do not
leave me
alone
with myself

to look for.

The Kamikaze Hearts

it is silly this way that you love
as if words were butterflies
caught on backs of hands
finger tips hovering over wings
almost tempted to see if touch
really shatters moments like this.
you speak as if words had no home
- throw them out there
no strings around ankles
nothing to remind them
the heaviness of comfort.
your tongue is a crazed scientist
and this love
its Frankenstein.

I told her, if I had to endure
this kind of chaos
I would have pulled out my hair
and put your out eyes by now

I do not know how to love
the way that she does
waiting for walls to perspire
just to catch the sweat
you both pressed against them
waiting for bed sheets
to sigh good morning
knowing there will be
a spider web afterthought of
how beautiful your skin looked
light against dark
as if dawn where erupting between them

silly man, tell me
where does practicality
fit in all of this
how do you love
and know
that it is that simple
love because you said so
and time isn’t your enemy
love because she’s magic
and you the magician
smokes and mirrors
work for your advantage
but I don’t understand
when I see her eyes clouded
and your name fresh on her lips
as if you’ve sawed her in half
and forgotten to finish the trick

tell me,
what does forever feel like
because the only time I ever loved
was too long after love forgot my name
spent twilight's hovering in places
that had long ago forgotten
what my indent on its mattress felt like
smelled other lovers on my lover
and pretended it was my own scent
while this hunger mutilated feet
howled like an ambulance in the dark
and my sweetheart couldn’t remember
what I was doing in his arms in the first place.

tell me,
what ever after’s you believe in
because my only example of a happy marriage
fell apart twenty five years later
as if a lifetime could be reduced to a one way ticket
to the farthest corner away from the mother of your children
and voices become sandpaper scraping roofs of mouth
there is blood in the corner of lips
everyone tired of speaking truth
because honesty doesn’t wear well over jagged hearts

and I don’t know
how she does it
this woman that loves you
daredevil

you are amazing
but the waiting is horrible
and she does it
like magic
like stardust
like understanding that
sometimes it is hard to believe
when someone truly loves you

and perhaps I am asking
the wrong person
but I need you to tell me
how do you get
someone to love you
kamikaze like this?

so silly
butterfly wings
and Frankenstein limbs
are worth waiting
in the dark for

and she tells me
that she simply
just has to

and I cant help
but wish
I had to
with someone
also

Rancheras Make Me Think Of You

that song

like running water

roaring

through my living

room

is you

"estoy pensando en ti hasta la muerte"

and

the

spanish

spills all over the couch

with its plastic covers

same couch

where we kissed and

you used to taste like

dulce de leche

mi atol de elote

sweetest pan dulce

and in the back round:

violins

guitars

trumpets

and a voice

like god

like hell

hearts dying

and lovers loving

"poooor tu maaaldito aaamor"

tragic

beautiful

and angry

i loved you

[Jess&Celi]

We

Laughed

The way

We used to

When we were in church

Shoulders shaking

So hard

We could have been

Convulsing.

It felt so good

That our

Bloodshot eyes

Didn’t matter so much

Anymore

And I began to see

Those white teeth

I adored.

I never noticed the day

We weren’t girls anymore

Your hands seem more dignified now

And I no longer wear pink everyday.

There are shadows trailing behind us

Oh but we laughed

So hard our stomach’s hurt

And I instantly remembered

Why

At age five

God places us in the same school yard

And announced you

My best friend.

Twenty one years and counting.

Here’s to us.

Again.

Lai Ming

And I
crawl out of myself
Into you
Tongue first
Fingers
Turning loops
In your hair
Pulling handfulls
Closer
So
Close
The sweat
From our pores
Share
In this kiss
And your hand
Is my waist
My waist is
Your hand
Your arm
Chest
Ribs
Your very own waist
- We are.
The wind
Splits in half
To avoid
Touching us
And the same does Night
Lifting her veil in subtle recognition
And we created morning
While the sun
Continued sleeping
As our teeth
Clicked
And I
Left all of my very own
Lonely Kingdoms
To climb into you
My,
Arms of octopus
Mouth of oblivion
Pandora’s heart shaped box

I dram you again
And whispered:

Kiss me
Kiss me

…if only
The dead
Could return
A kiss.

The Understanding

hands. are hands.

even when they hurt.

know that,

baby.

And no one

is more human

than you

so

when they

say

things cannot be

and i never was

understand

they do not know

these words

we typed

and sang

and laughed

and cried

and danced

danced

barefoot

and wide eyed

when

everyone

was too busy

dying

over

words. that are just words.

even when they hurt

remember that baby,

no one is more

immortal than you

because you understand:

laughter. is laughter.

especially when it hurts.

and it is our inheritance

to dance

even when it

rains stones

Line 2 Westbound

Bus rides

And

Here we are

Two of us

Legs slightly touching

Shoulder to shoulder

I could smell you

And

I smile

Because

You just showered

I want to touch your knee

A slight gesture

Just to

Make you smile

I bet you have a

beautiful smile

The bus makes a turn

and I press into you

Feeling your warmth

through the layers of our clothes

Searching for a taste

of your arm hooked into mine.

maybe.

There is a perfect birthmark on your jaw line

That could easily be traced by my lips

Or my finger

Tongue

Eyelashes

My stop is coming

And for a fleeting second

I think of skipping it

Riding with you

To the end of our silent world

Sharing in the complicity

Of a thousand

Maybes

Love an endless possibility

We could unfold like the road

But

I don't know you

And

The light is changing

...

I'm left on the corner

As you ride off into the sunset.

Genesis

Sometimes
There isn’t
Enough hope
To last until
Morning

That’s
When I use my pen
And create
Some other ending

A sun filled midnight
Blue birds in the trees
Their silver songs
Coaxing smiles
Out of you
Out of me

I’ve rewritten the
Loneliest parts of
The world
And now,
You are never alone

I am here
I am here

When you’re dying for a drink
Listen to the blue birds
Dancing in the trees

feel my hand running through your hair
My lips against your cheek
Your eyes, my eyes
My voice calling you into the morning

I am here
Always here

Helen Keller Kind of Love

too much

was missing

before

you

left.

Tiempo Tuyo

Time

Will never be filed

Like documents and facts

Or collected

Like hands and fingers that fold on laps.

It will always be you and I

And the rush of air

Passed from lip to lip

The tracing of your tongue on my earlobes

Salt of your sex on my lips

The minutes and centuries released

Like collected sighs

That you and I stored

Knowing sunrise and sunsets

Mean nothing

Time is hidden

In these veins

That quiver and pulse

Beneath your touch

A million years of you and more.

you. blow jobs. and me.

Sometimes,
When I kneel with
your dick in my mouth

I think about death,
Underwear ads
And overdue library books.

I remember the
mismatched socks
Unfinished poems
Rings around the bath tub.

-You ask something
As you grab
Handfuls of my hair
I mumble and nod
But continue mentally
Balancing my check book-

“Baby…ooohhh…im coming…”

And its devotion
Fireworks; glory.
A good woman
who pleases her man.




Another chore
checked off my
to-do list.

Venus of A Man

treat me like you’re full

as if there is enough of me
caught within your thunderstorms

spin me
different than the rest
give me and excuse
to be
the brightest
one of all

i’ve seen your scars
matched them to mine
i’ve seen you bright
wishing I understood

evening star of mine,
treat me like you’re full

as if
i’ve been melted
enough
for you

it is terrible
your gravity
sucking me dry

and still
you are never
full