Saturday, April 24, 2010


dear friends and readers,

my blogging has not come to an end
- but instead grown -
and is in search of other (new) galaxies

blogspot and i love each other dearly
clearly its me and not  him ect.

i begin my new relationship
and further space travels
in a new planet in cyberspace named :

"Yesika Starr - Astronaut Dare Devil"

hope we continue our torrid love affair there.
i love you. friends. readers. little martians of mine.

i will not delete this blog so that it may remain as a reminder of how sweet individual beginnings can be.


Thursday, April 1, 2010

Green Mango Kinda Love

your smile
hesitant like
the sunrise
reluctant like skies
forced to break
to the coming light.
a healing bruise
spread magnificently
over the horizon.

I do not call you by name
instead I seek the familiar ache
the slight twinge of muscles
the sore thought of your face

this is our language

it is tongues
who speak
like arriving
everything is breaking
but you are always
so fucken beautiful
beneath all this light


swinging on a mango tree
skin like burnt sugar canes
hands of marañón
jocote seeds for eyes
singing your song
of volcanoes and oceans
of men who sprouted machetes for limbs
of mothers whose spines coil
like wisps of steam
rising from
pots of boiling beans

you smell like
breath inhaled too deep
like tears soaked into
flor de izote petals

what if I told you
I’ve loved you from the womb,
spoke you as my first word,
remembered you
before we even met?

sonrie my mother said

smile because this will be sent back home
stand up straight
so they can see
how proud you are
that anyone else
because there is a place
in our memory
that demands that we do

it is dirt roads
and cows
with lovers eyes
it is banana tree leaves,
gently wrapped tamales,
pupusa vendors,
women with no teeth
and stained aprons
who laugh
as if
was something
the years give you.

it is boys with shoes
so polished you see
the clouds in them,
unbuttoned shirts
because sun
has a way of
peeling off clothes,
rickety pick up trucks,
baskets carried on heads,
naked babies
sucking on
the greenest
you have ever seen.

this is how
how I love you
by the swing
of the hammocks
in your breeze,
adobe wall houses,
red clay tiles,
tin roofs
and brown faces
so beautiful
I stop looking
For the moon
And start searching
For another smile.

It is being so poor
an egg is a luxury
but a stranger at your door
means a banquet
means your last bits of coffee
means your best chair
and coolest corner of your corridor

it is my fathers weather beaten face
staring from the windows of every bus
it is his laughter being peeled
from the branches of the highest
mango trees

es todo lo que se
lo soy
lo fui

my fingertips
the lump in my throat
a silence only god knows

and I love you

this heartbeat

El Salvador

a bruise I hope never heals.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Chinaski's Love Jones

Darling cut me – wide and open
I want your fingernails to touch my bones
Strum a chord with my veins,
Kiss the black and wrinkled organs.

Know me,
Like Christ, my mother
and the Creditors
Learn that
The yellow of teeth and eyes
Are the color of the stars I’d
Sling down for you

I do not sleep
Writing a thousand poems
You will not see

About the way your hair looks
In this dirty light
And how cars honking
remind me of when I first held your hand

we were crossing the light
and you squeezed my fingers
so that one was spilling into the other

and I thought
how nice

if only things
were that simple
for us two.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

10 Reasons Why You Are Not Allowed In My Bed Anymore

I grew tired of tying my shadow to your heel
before you disappeared through my window.

Orgasms feel so much better
with direct eye contact

I learned that you sacrificed nothing
by putting up with my weight
but I was the martyr for dealing with your
Dorito’s and stale cigarette breath

there are more positions than doggy style

you never read
the love notes
tucked into
my flesh

I am not in the habit of sleeping with men I do not know
and nine years into this carnal complicity
you no longer are the smiling boy I once adored.

if I wanted to feel like
I gave everything I had to someone who
did not know what to do with it
I would go to Church more often.

I am the moon and you forgot to act accordingly

the last time I held you I thought of jelly fish

I love your memory too much to allow you to soil it.
please stop knocking on my window late nights

I am the moon

I am full.

No thank you

I have had enough.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


I am afraid
of the way
this poem
telling more
than my heart
has dared to
tell my mind

foolish and reckless
this poem
comes running
to finger tips
with no answers
just questions
and too many feelings.

who are you and how did you get here?
do you love as easy as you speak?
what magic is your skin made of?
who do I thank for your smile?
for the laughter like rings ?
for you as beautiful as Saturn?

this poem
knows your gravity
the certainty of orbits
turning me into nothing
into everything
into this cliff diver
astronaut dare devil

and you

So beautiful without
just another one of your 52 moons,
watching from a distance
as this poem

and no one is watching
not even my mind
who still thinks
this poem
is about
but falling
for you
and those rings


..your rings

Monday, February 8, 2010


There was a boy I loved more than any other boy
There was a boy who smiled as if smiles where brand new
There was a boy who cried love when there was no love at all
There was a boy I lost as quickly as I found
There was a boy
There was a boy
There was a boy
There will always be a boy worth loving more than the one before

You. Me. & My Self Hate.

don’t worry
you cannot hurt me

i have willing
to bleed myself
dry for you
before I even met you

and i knew
I would disgust you
so I waited for nightfall
to come naked to you
contorting into any position
you need me to be in
holding breath for fear
of panting you away

I don’t expect to be special
to walk down streets holding hands
to meet family members

anything you want
I am willing to give you
my tongue will never lash
and my eyes will always
look the other way

the tears will wait for you to leave
jealousy tucked beneath nails
all of these feelings will remain feelings
and never words you will forced to hear

I will try not to be fat for you
give you shame as an apology
and when I don’t succeed
accept your infidelity as punishment

i am sorry
if you’ve ever
caught a glimpse
of the amazing in me
I know you have no intentions
of ever meeting it
so I try and keep it
under lock and key

I love you
and although you will never understand it
I will say it any chance I get
and if you ever repeat it
I’ll believe you
even if I know
you’ve only said it
to decorate the silence

there is more pain in solitude
than there is in humiliation

i will take whatever you give me
so long as you give me anything
or at least allow me to create something

there is no ending
to this vortex soul of mine

I can see how easy
the amazing in me can get lost

so lost
even I
have lost
complete sight
of it

anything you want
I am willing
to give you

but please
do not
leave me
with myself

to look for.

Friday, January 22, 2010

The Kamikaze Hearts

it is silly this way that you love
as if words were butterflies
caught on backs of hands
finger tips hovering over wings
almost tempted to see if touch
really shatters moments like this.
you speak as if words had no home
- throw them out there
no strings around ankles
nothing to remind them
the heaviness of comfort.
your tongue is a crazed scientist
and this love
its Frankenstein.

I told her, if I had to endure
this kind of chaos
I would have pulled out my hair
and put your out eyes by now

I do not know how to love
the way that she does
waiting for walls to perspire
just to catch the sweat
you both pressed against them
waiting for bed sheets
to sigh good morning
knowing there will be
a spider web afterthought of
how beautiful your skin looked
light against dark
as if dawn where erupting between them

silly man, tell me
where does practicality
fit in all of this
how do you love
and know
that it is that simple
love because you said so
and time isn’t your enemy
love because she’s magic
and you the magician
smokes and mirrors
work for your advantage
but I don’t understand
when I see her eyes clouded
and your name fresh on her lips
as if you’ve sawed her in half
and forgotten to finish the trick

tell me,
what does forever feel like
because the only time I ever loved
was too long after love forgot my name
spent twilight's hovering in places
that had long ago forgotten
what my indent on its mattress felt like
smelled other lovers on my lover
and pretended it was my own scent
while this hunger mutilated feet
howled like an ambulance in the dark
and my sweetheart couldn’t remember
what I was doing in his arms in the first place.

tell me,
what ever after’s you believe in
because my only example of a happy marriage
fell apart twenty five years later
as if a lifetime could be reduced to a one way ticket
to the farthest corner away from the mother of your children
and voices become sandpaper scraping roofs of mouth
there is blood in the corner of lips
everyone tired of speaking truth
because honesty doesn’t wear well over jagged hearts

and I don’t know
how she does it
this woman that loves you

you are amazing
but the waiting is horrible
and she does it
like magic
like stardust
like understanding that
sometimes it is hard to believe
when someone truly loves you

and perhaps I am asking
the wrong person
but I need you to tell me
how do you get
someone to love you
kamikaze like this?

so silly
butterfly wings
and Frankenstein limbs
are worth waiting
in the dark for

and she tells me
that she simply
just has to

and I cant help
but wish
I had to
with someone

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Rancheras Make Me Think Of You

that song
like running water
through my living
is you

"estoy pensando en ti hasta la muerte"

spills all over the couch
with its plastic covers
same couch
where we kissed and
you used to taste like
dulce de leche
mi atol de elote
sweetest pan dulce

and in the back round:

and a voice
like god
like hell
hearts dying
and lovers loving

"poooor tu maaaldito aaamor"

and angry

i loved you


The way
We used to
When we were in church
Shoulders shaking
So hard
We could have been
It felt so good
That our
Bloodshot eyes
Didn’t matter so much
And I began to see
Those white teeth
I adored.
I never noticed the day
We weren’t girls anymore
Your hands seem more dignified now
And I no longer wear pink everyday.
There are shadows trailing behind us
Oh but we laughed
So hard our stomach’s hurt
And I instantly remembered
At age five
God places us in the same school yard
And announced you
My best friend.

Twenty one years and counting.
Here’s to us.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Lai Ming

And I
crawl out of myself
Into you
Tongue first
Turning loops
In your hair
Pulling handfulls
The sweat
From our pores
In this kiss
And your hand
Is my waist
My waist is
Your hand
Your arm
Your very own waist
- We are.
The wind
Splits in half
To avoid
Touching us
And the same does Night
Lifting her veil in subtle recognition
And we created morning
While the sun
Continued sleeping
As our teeth
And I
Left all of my very own
Lonely Kingdoms
To climb into you
Arms of octopus
Mouth of oblivion
Pandora’s heart shaped box

I dram you again
And whispered:

Kiss me
Kiss me

…if only
The dead
Could return
A kiss.

The Understanding

hands. are hands.
even when they hurt.

know that,

And no one
is more human
than you

when they

things cannot be
and i never was


they do not know
these words
we typed
and sang
and laughed
and cried
and danced

and wide eyed
was too busy
words. that are just words.
even when they hurt

remember that baby,

no one is more
immortal than you
because you understand:

laughter. is laughter.
especially when it hurts.

and it is our inheritance
to dance
even when it
rains stones

Line 2 Westbound

Bus rides

Here we are

Two of us

Legs slightly touching
Shoulder to shoulder
I could smell you
I smile
You just showered

I want to touch your knee
A slight gesture
Just to
Make you smile
I bet you have a
beautiful smile

The bus makes a turn
and I press into you
Feeling your warmth
through the layers of our clothes
Searching for a taste
of your arm hooked into mine.


There is a perfect birthmark on your jaw line
That could easily be traced by my lips
Or my finger

My stop is coming
And for a fleeting second
I think of skipping it
Riding with you
To the end of our silent world
Sharing in the complicity
Of a thousand
Love an endless possibility
We could unfold like the road

I don't know you
The light is changing


I'm left on the corner
As you ride off into the sunset.

Thursday, January 7, 2010


There isn’t
Enough hope
To last until

When I use my pen
And create
Some other ending

A sun filled midnight
Blue birds in the trees
Their silver songs
Coaxing smiles
Out of you
Out of me

I’ve rewritten the
Loneliest parts of
The world
And now,
You are never alone

I am here
I am here

When you’re dying for a drink
Listen to the blue birds
Dancing in the trees

feel my hand running through your hair
My lips against your cheek
Your eyes, my eyes
My voice calling you into the morning

I am here
Always here

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Helen Keller Kind of Love

too much
was missing

Tiempo Tuyo

Will never be filed
Like documents and facts
Or collected
Like hands and fingers that fold on laps.

It will always be you and I
And the rush of air
Passed from lip to lip

The tracing of your tongue on my earlobes
Salt of your sex on my lips

The minutes and centuries released
Like collected sighs
That you and I stored
Knowing sunrise and sunsets
Mean nothing

Time is hidden
In these veins
That quiver and pulse
Beneath your touch

A million years of you and more.

you. blow jobs. and me.

When I kneel with
your dick in my mouth

I think about death,
Underwear ads
And overdue library books.

I remember the
mismatched socks
Unfinished poems
Rings around the bath tub.

-You ask something
As you grab
Handfuls of my hair
I mumble and nod
But continue mentally
Balancing my check book-

“Baby…ooohhh…im coming…”

And its devotion
Fireworks; glory.
A good woman
who pleases her man.

Another chore
checked off my
to-do list.

Monday, January 4, 2010

Venus of A Man

treat me like you’re full

as if there is enough of me
caught within your thunderstorms

spin me
different than the rest
give me and excuse
to be
the brightest
one of all

i’ve seen your scars
matched them to mine
i’ve seen you bright
wishing I understood

evening star of mine,
treat me like you’re full

as if
i’ve been melted
for you

it is terrible
your gravity
sucking me dry

and still
you are never