Tuesday, December 29, 2009


Comets. Shoot from parted lips.

As I stand in doorways
One shoe in hand
Yelling your name
And the hate you inspired
When you
Arrived four hours late.

I love you, Stupid Man,
And it’s never enough
To get you to come home at eight.

12 a.m.
And you’re a thief in the night
Taking all air from rooms,
The scurrying feet of mice,
The roaches who waited up with me.

…and here I am.
Snakes hissing
Carving out your brittle heart.

Fucken bastard
Cant you ever come home before I go mad?

Instead you wait
Every goddamned night
Until I am
Knitting sweaters
Out of the strings
That dangle my heart.

Balls of fire,

Shoe in hand.

Parallel Isnt Always Good

Roads stretch

Finger tips
On swelled surfaces

Pieces of you
Beneath my eyes

minutes when
you go missing

and I wish I drove more things than you insane

on shoulder blades
blond hairs
on back of necks
your tongue
on the pulse of veins

dialogue goes unnoticed
when your lips
spell - cast
(lord. here I go twisted again)

it’s the desperate
that makes me call you daddy
that leads to phone
at indecent hours
…this isn’t me on the receiver
-no baby I swear-
its fingers seeking cigarettes
lonesome lips a kiss
the skin, my skin,
this fucken temperamental skin!
and calls
up and down telephone poles
through wires
that spread

like roads do

none of them
lead to


Same Difference



That’s the way it sounds
When freedom flees
From sidewalks
Crowds roaring in agony
….the sudden cold
Frightening children
Into the folds of mothers skirts.


Is the way it used to sound back home
When tanks came rolling into schoolyards.
All the young men (still trailing clouds of innocence)
Turned soldiers
Face so twisted
Sisters couldn’t recognize them.

I was never there
When cousins shot
Uncles and
Brothers turned
Their own mothers
Into the soldiers.
Nieces laying decapitated
At every fork on the road.

I didn’t see
The children
from those days, when
Death as familiar
As soccer games.
When they
Fed dogs
Limbs of
They vaguely knew…


Went the
Tiles on ceilings
And everyone
Fell face first into floors.

And someone

…someone always cries…when the shots ring.

And that’s how it was
that day
In the park.
Minus the blood
And lost

But spirits
Still buckled
To the thunder
Of uniformed men.

And bodies still fell at the same angle
Howling in the same humiliated pain


The boots
Met flesh
Like in those days
And someone ran
And for a minute
Alvarado Street
Like the dirt road
On the side
Of Rio De Jalponga

And life
Was as fragile
As a held breath.


In an instant
We became
What we fled

And I wasn’t there
That day in May
Or back in
The times
of our civil war

But I have seen
The faces…
And the silence
That comes
With their fear.

And I now know that

Go the eardrums
One last time
Before the silence

On my people.

Bad Poem

God had a stroke tonight
…as he sat on his throne
Miller Light in one hand
This poem in the other.
Satan called me
once he heard the news

“J, you’re wicked”
I laughed
“Lucifer ole’ boy I already knew.”

Because this is the kind of poem
I begin at 3:09 am.
And finish at 3:13.
The kind
That spits in his mothers face.
A bad-bastard poem
With no daddy to knock
Sense into it.

It’s a poem about
A Colonel
Fucking a virgin
In the middle of a war
that’s fighting
For freedom from
Something that
Everybody has already forgotten
But it keeps on fighting because
Pride and Glory now drive
This poem hard
Into its rebellion.

Its about more than Me
And my sinful nature,
But about Rosa , Cindy and Stephanie
Girls who were too fast too soon
And told me about hard dicks
While we hid in high school restrooms.
While my eyes -wide open-
Memorized what it was
That drove men to pay so much attention
They felt they need to

This poem is about all I wont be,
Jesus never was,
And every other god
Claims They will become.


From the monotony of good behavior
Tranquil smiles
Hollow faces.


From conformity with prolonged gratification

It’s the Advocate
For Anarchy
Wild wicked nights
Where we sin
Without giving a damn

Sending Satan
Himself packing
This poem
Killed God
And every other
Pretense of control.

Damn it
In Four Minutes
I finally wrote the piece
That freed us all.

Because this poem
Says the truth
We are all afraid of

The truth that we Humans, don’t seek peace
But reasons to feel the weakness of our flesh
To remind us why we live. Why we wish. Push. Love. Need. Ache. Hate.
Why we sin day and day again and pound our chests and
Drag these chains we’ve tied around our waists.

Feeling. Feeling. Feeling. Our way in the darkness of our flesh.

Let God claim his beers throne and stroke!

Because his coveted
Mortality is ours

And in it, Like this poem,

We are splendid and beautiful
in our hard earned damnation.

Little Hummingbird

you came
drinking laughter
from our hands

a flutter of magic

a single burst of chest

i watch you sleep
and cannot believe
my luck

little hummingbird

silly wings
and dance

do you know
the hope
you give
this tired heart
of mine?

I love you
little child
tiny treasure

hum hum hum

so divine

hum hum hum

little Rozy of mine


you used to laugh
without peeling lips
keeping teeth
like secrets
tucked behind
the skin of mouth

there were too many things
you never sought to understand

the eggshell words
I tucked beneath your sheets
a single strand of hair
left on your pillow case

just so the room
would never forget
the silence
we rubbed
thick between

I was yours
when I wasn’t

wept openly in your arms
laughed myself to tears
spilled words
like marbles
so much
i forgot where i
and you ended

and you pressed lips
grimace and smile
the same

not a trace of me
on those limbs
of yours

only bones
and secrets
and your
god awful

Monday, December 21, 2009

Forget The Warewolf

The lumberjack found me
Lurking in the bushes

He split my belly in half while i wept

Replaced my trembling guts with bricks
And tossed me into the well
Silently I've given into the current
Claws extended,
Eyes open
I sink
The last image
But me.
I swear I could eat her alive.

I Want To Squeeze You Like Lemons

I knew
In all

But I have waited
Sweet and easy
Too long for you to ripen

limoncito mio,
hombre de besos amargos
tengo tanta sed de ti

I knew
Sting in the
Back of jaw
Bring tears to eyes
Shutter to body

But I have waited
Sweet and easy
Too long for you to ripen

Tanta sed

De ti.

Boy Blue Blurb #6

fault line
in my living room floor
mouth full of
broken beer bottles

I love you pure
hook of finger
click of tongue
cold backs
back stares
at me


to my

This Is How I Named You Monster


in the dark
our arms looked
so jagged
I could have sworn
they were
out to devour us
in mid sleep


you only said
you loved me
both hands
wrapped around
my neck


i carved my wrists
just to give them the lips
they needed
to call out
your name


no longer
were thoughts
but escape tunnels
from your touch


I couldn’t remember
the last time
I had seen you smile
or the taste
of my laughter
or how
there once was
so much love
in this apartment
I could avoid
seeing you clearly

we were brand new
holy and whole.


I couldn’t remember
hating you

or having wrists
who didn’t
shout out your name

Friday, December 11, 2009

Sunflower Sex

my cunt is
a flower
you say

the kind
that blooms
with its
thick and heavy stench

and it tastes like miles of wild life
abandoned roads in cliffs
like Cortez's hidden treasure
and Mayan deities in flames.

you peel my lips like petals
by one
until there is
a nose full of me in you.
a swollen clit being
nudged awake.

suddenly its spring time
the sun climbing over the horizon
God stretching from his slumber
my legs (like arms) extended

like the sunflower
neck stretched and

to consume
your face


my cunt is
you say

as it bursts
like roses and dreams

the stench
claiming every sky

you turn to

Monday, December 7, 2009

Spineless Defiance

And so what if I loved your father
Until he fed me concrete
Learned to dislocate shoulder blades at will
Giving flight to punishment.
- to forgive tears lost in swollen eyes
Turning his fist and my skin
Into unanimous symbols
Of unconditional faith
Somewhere beneath
The wild eye
The blood of brow
The crush of pelvis
The tender meat
Hid - the sweetest words
Ever told to me.

Somewhere between
The grunts of rape
Pillows smothered over face
Fingers extended towards
Solemn faces reflected
In shamed mirrors,
Rage for the fat.
For the loss.
For the shame.
He came
Arms raising skyscrapers I had never met
Promising that angels also break
Only to create
Another place
Another day
Closer to god.

And so what if I stayed
While jail time released purgatories
And I became known
As the woman who
Runs barefoot in back alleys after midnight
And the only restraining orders we kept
Where those of my self respect
And his self restraint

I loved,
The Canaan and Abel kind of love
Bleeding from back ends
Just to rearrange order
Insisting History
And misery
Where synonyms
I was spoon fed.

I loved
With sweat in baked bread
With hope in healing wounds
With my soul stuffed into his meth pipe
And you growing deep within in my womb
Or in my arms
Or at my side
Or so distant that
I couldn’t cry anymore
For you. for me. for him.
Or all the babies I had lost
When his boots

Deflated me.

I stayed.
Not for anyone but me.
This was just another piece
I could edit later.
Perform differently
Another ending
Would come
When I could think

Woman open your eyes wide

Look at the brand new sky

Wake up! Wake up!

The fucken concrete.

* inspired by the many women in my family and life who endured abuse because they knew no other language for love*

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Love Like Pluto

my grandmother says
I was born with a defective
heart and mouth
both too eager to please
and willing to receive
any crumb

no one taught me to love in words
to put limbs into motion
that matched this ache in my chest
no one pointed out midnight starsAdd Image
promising to give me the moon
if I spun all these pretty little feelings
into something special for them

so I learned to love thru objects
inanimate beings who allowed me
to hold them when no one was watching

i have loved
the way unlocked doors do
kitchen light left on
dinner in the microwave
and is there anything
else you want?

loved like
there are so many
door frames
in me
begging to be filled
with a shoe
a brief case
someone’s end of day sighs
wanting to be held
like their carry all bag
full of all their loose ends
even the regrets.
give me all your extra weight
I will burst at the seams
and pour out your name

tell me,
how can I break
so that you never will?

what do you need me to be?
and I will
turn myself
inside out
a mismatched
sock of a heart
hum meaning into me
like a song
only you know the key to

and I will love you
like bridges
jail cells
empty birdcages
like Pluto
never belonged
but insisted on doing so

I am here because
I can be
and it gets
too cold
when someone doesn’t
touch me

I will love you
like runs in panty hose
the thinning thread
in the knee of your favorite jeans
scabs over mosquito bites
discovering god without the guilt
hiding in dark rooms
just to say your name to the shadows
to feel it cut slowly through me

I will
love you
to sow
me back up

because this is the way I was born love

love was
the only

I am an inanimate object
here to serve a purpose
to fill a need
don’t I look pretty decorating your life?

baby, I will love like
unlocked doors
purses that are too big
and full moons at 3 a.m.

and you
creature of tender feelings
and papier-mâché hearts
I know you also love
the way that I do,
tell me,
how long have you been
this curious little thing
loving the way
no one ever expected things to love?




I told her
If she were a planet
She would be earth
Self sufficient
And two thirds magic


how many windows
have you left open
for half grown men
to be able to steal
slivers of you?

you are the kind of woman
little girls never dream of becoming
but should,
just to say
they learned to fly on whims
beamed light
in littered alleys
laughed so hard and long
you did not know
if your body was
weeping or celebrating
schools should teach
to love the way that you do
half beast half mother-like
are the space between lips
the rush of air from the pit of gut
hands. extended.

I find myself wanting to be a reversed tinker bell
Never jealous of lost boys loving you
But of the shadows you tie unto the heels
Of their broken feet

Fuck peter pan
And his never land
you were never meant
to be a creature of story books
earmarked and shelved
you, dear friend,
belong to the living.

The hustle and bustle
The blue sky smog
Car horns and saxophones
White floors
And red lips

No fairy dust
The freckles
On your cheek
Are enough

Close your windows
Folding into yourself

Peter pan
Will never understand
How women as real
As you
Are the wonderland
He’s so desperate
To never return from.

*(photograph by fisseah w. moges) poem for my dear friend/mentor Natalie *

Thursday, December 3, 2009


there are nights
when thick skin
wears my insides

twilight hours
my bed is
as vast
as oblivion

I could die in so much empty space

but the moon,
blessed mother moon,
hums loud enough
for me to hear

steady comes her song
about how

is the best way
to be
burst little girl
she tells me
you can burst
and still be whole

when morning comes

trust in me.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


I will never forget
Your eyes
And that room

Your lungs
Who couldn’t
Bare this world anymore
If I am quiet enough
I can hear your gasps for air
My name somewhere in them

outside the world so still
quiet. patient.

i didnt know that would be goodbye
but we locked eyes

yours were so sad

if i am quiet enough i can hear them now

I will never forget

I swear

Tuesday, December 1, 2009


no one had
ever made me
want to expand
from skin
into solar systems
rearrange planets
by touch
and sight
so that you may learn
the biggest god's
are not the ones
we learn to love
but those
who pull us
into orbits
we never expected
to dance in

make me want
to re invent
so that i may
hum every secret
into one note
and you would have heard
anything any heart
had to share

and you - you and only you
make me cry. chest bursting. bones shaking.
dying and living and grieving and celebrating
all at once.
wanting to be
just to love you
the way no one else
has ever taught me to love.

skin stretches
like arms
everytime you walk by

it seems
i cannot hold you
my little stars.

*For Andrew and Rozy. The best things to ever happen to me. (jen and art i cant thank you enough for them)*

Monday, November 30, 2009

Your Vengeance

it is worse when I find
the poems you wrote for me

all the beautiful words
in my throat

you cradled
all my limbs in prose
the hollow of my
knees, elbows, neck



how terrible
to find this
all on my own.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

When You Were Mercury

first time I ever saw you
standing a brave six feet tall
with those eyes of yours
too confused to be green or blue
and thin lips that curl
into a faint smirk
all my thorns sprouted arms.
I wanted to smother you,
suffocate you under my thumb,
pull you apart rib by rib
and rebuild you
until you were all mine.

Him. - Always.

the way you sleep
- one arm beneath the pillow
left leg curled around my own
with me
as if you are waiting
for me to open my eyes
half way through the night
and see
what we've both been dying to find
since we began.

even in your sleep
you carry hope
for us.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


you've become nothing
a spiderweb memory
and i still love you

Mad Hatter

street traffic xylophones
curious pigeons on window sills
a gum splattered sidewalk
who thanks
strange feet
for giving their souls
to him

lightning teeth,
you are brave
to smile so freely.
storm cloud
tap dancing
silly wind
what does it matter
if they look and don’t understand?
you are paisley patterns
on formal attire
never marching to beat of drums
you move to heart patterns

the first time we ever spoke
there were traces of poems
rimmed around your glasses
I knew you understood
that squares could be stretched
into stars
there is gravity
in the way you
offer friendship so freely
I wanted to call you brother
just to share dna strands with
a man as fragile as you
who wears compassion for shoulder pads
and skinny jeans that leave no room
for false pretenses
I wish more beings
whispered truth the way you do

rules don’t exist in your world
just hands and eyes
that know
what it feels like
when it feels like

the click
of a shutter

a button press
a simple yes

to being awkward
to being free
to this moment
this place

a panoramic view
and your crooked hat
wild card
tucked into the brim

kaleidoscope friend

blue moon of a man
I wasn’t watching the skies
the night that I met you
but you found me
standing alone
kite in hand
tearing right trough me

what a perfect story you are
but you don’t believe me
say I will grow bored
the way other adults have

but my answer is this:

I do now know the rules
But I sure do know
What real friendship
Feels like.

Haikus That Bleed

Boogie Man
i was six when you
wrapped my fingers around your
dick. i still hate you.

you're dead and i can't
fix it. who do i blame now
for my dysfunction?

I would have named him
Jupiter for the distance
you placed between us

too much. just too much.
rolls of fat, tears, heart too big.
too much me to love.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

was a pimp
but now
is the only dog
who has ever
the earthquake
that my family is

he boldly
bit the bullet
and claimed us his
when no other pet
had ever

not once
i heard
any of us

the pimp
and he's
turned us

Posted by Picasa

Sunday, March 1, 2009


She is not old
Is uncalled for

Shuffles her feet
All around
Her green house
Her hacking cough
Swatting flies
A little angry
A little happy
Always both

When she calls
They come
One by one
Her children
And their
I am
One of them

Around her

So much woman.
She must
Be dynamite.

My mothers
And therefore
The final word

But Mamita

The womb
We all
Crawled out of
The same one
Who keeps calling

Come back
Come back

To your motherland

Papi And The Rain

its raining
and you’ve flung
all windows
and doors open

there is a song
dusty and old
like the Polaroid’s
Mami has stuffed
into albums
I pull out

there are smiles
than I have ever seen

you and her at the beach
someone’s birthday
in a crammed hallway

then there’s me
a tiny bundle
who seems
to always be crying

Corazon, you
should have been born
when it was raining
you tell me
you could have been
a teardrop
nowhere but the end

there is lightening
and you’re almost laughing
in delight
and I get the urge to write you like this
so happy
we almost forget
where we are
and how sick you’ve been

in El Salvador
and the sky
is weeping with joy
the tree branches so heavy
they too
drop creatures
unto the floor


the smell of wet dirt
crawling into our nostrils
the mud
as red and rich
as your skin

the dusty song
a little softer
a little further

Im writing
It this way

so much better
so much nicer
another poem
for you

Medusa's Love Note

microscopic demons
Tire tracks
Chapped lips
Broken eggshells
From your face

Tangled feathers
From arms pit
And understand
Are more prone

to flight

You said
There is faith in silence
You speak
Too much

Don’t blame me for leaving
For not understanding
Never loving

I am snake hair
Stone touch
forked tongue

wrapped around index finger

The day
I ever need you

That is you
From you

Broken eggshells
Tangled feathers
You look for me
Too much
For someone
Who has as much

Faith as you claim.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009


the way
the heart
a single
in my direction
and i lose all composure
sixteen again
and you
so imperfect
it drives me crazy
i am kissing pillows
imagining your face
pasting those
eyes of yours
on the white linnen of my bed
and butterflies
down to the bone
but your dimples
are deep enough for me
to fit
an entire life time of
...if we get married
ever ever after...."
i've lost all notion of my feet.
ive flung
head and arms
and swim
in the perfect smile
like a sunset
across your face.
as a racing heart
and i am
a child again
for you
oh boy,


Ideal Us

Need me
Like you do
Your worst habits
Love me like the tattoo
You’ve never had the balls to get
Curse me like the poem you’ve never been able to end

And in return I promise to
Only lie when its necessary
Leave you hieroglyphic love notes
So that you may remember
How the same frozen limbs could translate
Embraces in midflight
Or flailing arms as we both sink
I promise to not let you forget
How human we are
The taste of wicked porcelain on taste buds
The glass eyed wink of mortality
And how we could easily
Be infinity or oblivion

I will allow you to bruise me
Like fruits do
After too much touch
Ask you
To sing off key
While I stumble along on my guitar

We will never discuss religion
Because I am possessive
About my half religions
And the crucifixes I pack
And drag with me
Wherever it is the wind blows.

You don’t have to learn Spanish
To impress my mother
But I ask you
To love her food
Love her
And indulge my father
As he offers stories
About our motherland.

My sisters are earthquakes
And I simple tornado
So understand
We love being unstable
And prefer
To share our emotions
In fits of rage
And fist fights

Sometimes I need to cry myself to sleep
Wrap myself in insecurities
Drag my soul like a blankie behind me

Its ok to be silent then
To avoid me
To stay out late with your friends

Its ok to resent me then
I want you
To love
Like adults do
Or at least pretend to

Cold shoulders
Turned backs
Distant “I love you’s”

I’ll take them then, but know
That I expect to return
Like I will.

Because I will always
Need you like I do
My cigarettes
The stage
My pen

The same way
I know you do.
Boy blue.

Other half
And so much more
Love me
Like only
The madmen
Dare to do.


Hester Prynne Me.

there were blood clots
and showers
that lasted over
two hours
just because the bleeding
wouldn’t stop
the feeling of
giving birth
to a single
a spine
and the tears
those secret beings
the only proof

the question
of whether or not
you deserved to know
…your phone calls
stones tossed at my window
your whistling
text messages reading
“are you available tonight”

And the suffocating need
to explain the holocaust
the tiny voices crying
the caving of my organs
a need to swallow you whole
to stuff
the cracks
that allowed life
to escape me
the guilt
worn like a scarlet letter
everything in me so disfigured
I was afraid someone would see it.

tell me do you know what its like
to have to mop the blood
from your miscarriage
4 a.m.
biting down on your bottom lip
so hard to rip into the tissue
but you cannot sob
you don’t want to frighten
your mother
your sister
and besides how to explain
a pregnancy from a man
who wont even admit
our relationship.
tell me, how to do I stuff that into a text message?

so I let you in
wept silently
as you undressed me
swallowing the nausea
as we kissed
the disgust as you entered
the horrible pain of every thrust
your wicked smile
blank eyes
hollow words
I clung to you
nails buried into the front of your shirt
needing to yell

there were blood clots
as big as my thumb
there were puddles
of you
gushing out of me

you moaned
and rolled over
stared at the ceiling
I didn’t say a word.
you stood up
pulled your pants back on

the next morning
there were bloodstains
of my sheets
the last remains
of our child. I think.

this time, I didn’t cry.
the silence
had claimed me whole.

Monday, February 9, 2009

You and This Starfish

I gave you love
Measured in empty cans
Cigarette filters
And the blackest corners of the night

I, An anonymous starfish
- suction cups
Waiting for water
For time
For you

And there were never reproaches
Or retold anecdotes about how
I had taken to cutting skin,
How fingertips wept
Missing stubble of chin
How I had Grown
Glass cup ears
I pressed to doors
Waiting to make sense
Out of this
Crumpled paper
Heart of mine

I gave you love
Like the faint rustle of pages
Like silence between exhales
Wedged between the difference
Of dying and living
Love like earthquakes
Exactly one month apart
Like half standing houses
Avalanches and mudslides.
Passive aggressive
The curve of the blade
As it feeds into
The hungriest flesh
I gave you love
Like all of me
An golden thread
Spun like and orange’s peel

And you
Never moved
An inch
From where you stood
You creature of
Empty rooms
Cardboard boxes
And vacancy signs

I understood
Have no place
In life like yours
As I pressed
Glass cup ears harder
Unto your chest.
And listened to the heartbeats
Of your Silence.

Saturday, February 7, 2009


she whispered something about rain
fallen stars
and half eaten fortune cookies

with a laugh i asked
how any of this
could be negative?

and we danced
as the
sky fell apart
Posted by Picasa

Friday, January 16, 2009

Any Other Fool Wouldn't Be You

Lunch time
During eight grade

And we sat
Face to face

Lunch trays between us

It was then that I realized
I hated the way you laughed
The high pitched squeal
Too loud
Too long.
Twelve years later
I still feel the same
But I understand now
Soul Mates
Do it this way
Reaching over
And under
In spite of
And because
Laughing back

I love you

Thursday, January 15, 2009

My 4 a.m. Poem


3:54 a.m
--the fingers
As if by their own
Over keypad
Making sense
Out of the
Tightening of chest
And tears escaping
when least expected

It seems as if everything
Makes me weep
These days

I am beginning to understand
Why the sun
Needs night.
What it is
To be so bright
So much
For so many

I smile
Half habit
I’ve forgotten
What it was like
To feel so happy
You could fly
Make we outgrow
Wings the same way
We do teeth,

I know I’m a different woman
Than I was last night
And I cannot
Convince you
Any different
But there’s this fear
Whispering, insisting that:
If I keep changing
I will return
To what I once was
And what good is there in that?

Circles. Cycles.
Is it because I am woman
Or because I am stubborn?

At this time of night
The fingers
Love this cool feel
Of letters
Sliding beneath

Have become my life

And it is okay
It is finally okay
To have only that

The words
That hurt
That laugh


So much
For this so called

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


green eyes
and i still wish
they were mine.

a simple note
to remind you

does nothing
for this stubborn
heart of mine.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

little moon
and i
sing songs
from angry skies
burning stars
solemn suns

little moon
and i
on toes
by rolling hills

run down
and stiff

too many
too many
i love you's

little moon
and i

who cares
who we are
we are
this perfect?

Starting Point.

Fate set up this year very interestingly.
she's decided that i am to begin again (like it or not) and i suppose i am all for that ride.
(re)creation has always been a pass time of mine and so this time around
let us hope that the new me is the closest version to the true me.

if not,
it will be one hell of a story some day.

so...welcome. anyone.
my words have found a new home
and have left the windows and doors open.
(visitors wanted)