Monday, February 8, 2010

You. Me. & My Self Hate.

don’t worry
you cannot hurt me

i have willing
to bleed myself
dry for you
before I even met you

and i knew
I would disgust you
so I waited for nightfall
to come naked to you
contorting into any position
you need me to be in
holding breath for fear
of panting you away

I don’t expect to be special
to walk down streets holding hands
to meet family members

anything you want
I am willing to give you
my tongue will never lash
and my eyes will always
look the other way

the tears will wait for you to leave
jealousy tucked beneath nails
all of these feelings will remain feelings
and never words you will forced to hear

I will try not to be fat for you
give you shame as an apology
and when I don’t succeed
accept your infidelity as punishment

i am sorry
if you’ve ever
caught a glimpse
of the amazing in me
I know you have no intentions
of ever meeting it
so I try and keep it
under lock and key

I love you
and although you will never understand it
I will say it any chance I get
and if you ever repeat it
I’ll believe you
even if I know
you’ve only said it
to decorate the silence

there is more pain in solitude
than there is in humiliation

i will take whatever you give me
so long as you give me anything
or at least allow me to create something

there is no ending
to this vortex soul of mine

I can see how easy
the amazing in me can get lost

so lost
even I
have lost
complete sight
of it

baby,
anything you want
I am willing
to give you

but please
do not
leave me
alone
with myself

to look for.

1 comment:

  1. wow. brutally honest to the point where its painful to read on. im like No NO NO!! NOooOOOoooo!!!! lol you really get a wonderful sense of the hopelessness...the wanting the yearning...the need the fear the self hate the love imagined but never quite grasped. ur dope. know that.

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