The Kamikaze Hearts

it is silly this way that you love
as if words were butterflies
caught on backs of hands
finger tips hovering over wings
almost tempted to see if touch
really shatters moments like this.
you speak as if words had no home
- throw them out there
no strings around ankles
nothing to remind them
the heaviness of comfort.
your tongue is a crazed scientist
and this love
its Frankenstein.

I told her, if I had to endure
this kind of chaos
I would have pulled out my hair
and put your out eyes by now

I do not know how to love
the way that she does
waiting for walls to perspire
just to catch the sweat
you both pressed against them
waiting for bed sheets
to sigh good morning
knowing there will be
a spider web afterthought of
how beautiful your skin looked
light against dark
as if dawn where erupting between them

silly man, tell me
where does practicality
fit in all of this
how do you love
and know
that it is that simple
love because you said so
and time isn’t your enemy
love because she’s magic
and you the magician
smokes and mirrors
work for your advantage
but I don’t understand
when I see her eyes clouded
and your name fresh on her lips
as if you’ve sawed her in half
and forgotten to finish the trick

tell me,
what does forever feel like
because the only time I ever loved
was too long after love forgot my name
spent twilight's hovering in places
that had long ago forgotten
what my indent on its mattress felt like
smelled other lovers on my lover
and pretended it was my own scent
while this hunger mutilated feet
howled like an ambulance in the dark
and my sweetheart couldn’t remember
what I was doing in his arms in the first place.

tell me,
what ever after’s you believe in
because my only example of a happy marriage
fell apart twenty five years later
as if a lifetime could be reduced to a one way ticket
to the farthest corner away from the mother of your children
and voices become sandpaper scraping roofs of mouth
there is blood in the corner of lips
everyone tired of speaking truth
because honesty doesn’t wear well over jagged hearts

and I don’t know
how she does it
this woman that loves you
daredevil

you are amazing
but the waiting is horrible
and she does it
like magic
like stardust
like understanding that
sometimes it is hard to believe
when someone truly loves you

and perhaps I am asking
the wrong person
but I need you to tell me
how do you get
someone to love you
kamikaze like this?

so silly
butterfly wings
and Frankenstein limbs
are worth waiting
in the dark for

and she tells me
that she simply
just has to

and I cant help
but wish
I had to
with someone
also